Today was around 4.30, went back to bed to try and sleep some more but it wasn't coming. The mind is fully active at this time of day. I lie there, eyes closed, the thoughts coming thick and fast like a mountain stream in spate, the water rushing and tumbling down the slopes, white, frothy and full of air.
Paul and I had a zoom call yesterday evening to test our Zoom connections and have a chat. what was meant to be a quick 15 minutes became an hours philosophical discussion. We both of us are facing our challenges from similar viewpoints. The Dao makes perfect sense to us as a living philosophy, seamlessly woven into the threads of our lives. I shared with him how I came to the Dao via an ashram in Katmandu where I was introduced to the concept of inward gazing. I mentioned this in a note the other day and how Zen was more my bag at the time.
When I visited Nepal, I went as an independent traveller. I was exploring the possibility of following the life of a trek leader of groups out there. I was meeting up with my work partner and some time friend Ross ( now departed on the next great adventure a few years ago) who was working for KE Adventure Travel at the time, and shadowing a couple of his groups.
I took with me but one book for the trip; mainly because I was mindful of the weight I might be carrying. As it happens Ross had arranged a porter for me, to carry my stuff along with somehow getting permission for me to have a tent and some meals. I left around 30kg of kit in the Stores at the Mustang Hotel where he was based for the season and travelled as light as possible - I still took too much, but that's another story. I had brought some books for the journey but ended up taking just one - the little book of the Tao Te Ching by John R Mabry. I chose it because of its size. Like the title says, it was little. I still have it today, on my desk, beside me as I write.
Little did I know the quiet impact that it would have on me and my life.
I was up in the hills for around a month. Every night I would read a verse or two and lie there under the stars thinking about that which I had just read. At first it started as merely interesting. As the days went by it gained a greater hold over me. By the time I had finished it toward the time it was to return to Britain I had begun to ask a simple question of myself: "could I live this life".
It would have been simple to return to Britain and carry on further study of these verses, as many do; endlessly dipping down rabbit holes of philosophical thought; playing those mind games of endless permutations. I chose instead, to take what I had read and dwellt upon at face value. I was already leaning to the East having read Alan Watts on Zen when I was at school. I was well into Yoga at this time; focussing on the physical aspects as an exotic means of developing reach and flexibility for climbing amongst other pursuits, rather than the spiritual side of things. I was rather unreconstructed at the time.
I determined to live the Dao de Jing rather than treat it as an academic subject.
So began the journey that has been my life.